In the Wilderness: My Love Story Through Grief

This morning, a brother in Christ reminded me of something that brought me right back to one of the most sacred and painful moments of my life the day I gave my baby back to God.

He told me how he still remembers watching me take that blanket, and wrap Jahmya perfectly just as I sure did the first day I met her. That image stuck with him. But for me, it was a moment suspended between PAIN and PEACE a mother’s final act of love, covered in tears, but also wrapped in God’s STRENGTH.

That day, I gave her back to God with a heart so shattered I could barely breathe yet with a quiet relief knowing she was no longer suffering. Fourteen years I was blessed to love her, nurture her, and watch her grow. And though my heart aches that her time came too soon, I know her purpose was beautifully fulfilled in those years we shared.

Like Moses in the wilderness, I’m finding myself wandering through dry and lonely places unsure, broken, and questioning how I’ll ever make it through. But even in the wilderness, God orders our steps. His grace covers the dust beneath our feet, guiding us one breath, one tear, one prayer at a time.

Grief has a way of stripping everything familiar, leaving you face to face with who you are and who God is. I’m learning that we may never be completely whole on this side of heaven, but God meets us in the broken pieces. He buries our pain beneath His mercy and breathes life into what’s left.

I’ve been on this walk with Christ since January and just four months later, in May, I lost my baby girl. Still, I can see that God had me before the hurt. His hand was already steadying me, preparing me for the wilderness I didn’t know was coming. Fixing my HEART POSTURE for my HEART BREAK.

And everyday I get more and more of a better understanding that, God knew this was going to happen to me. It’s His glory to provide the pages of my LOVE story, even the ones written through tears. I’m learning that my story is not just mine, but His! A reflection of His faithfulness in the middle of heartbreak.

Each time I write, it’s not just words, it’s WORSHIP. God placed the pen in my hand, and together we’re writing our love story through my grief. Every sentence carries both the ache of goodbye and the grace of His promise that I’m not alone.

I’m asking God daily to help me lean on Him not to forget, but to push through with His strength. Because even in this wilderness, He’s still God. He’s still good. And He’s still writing.

And I’ve learned something deeply true through it all that time doesn’t heal all wounds, but God’s covenant does. His covenant love binds what’s broken, restores what’s lost, and carries what feels too heavy to bear. It’s not time that heals, it’s the touch of the Eternal.

It’s getting heavier now, and sometimes it feels like my WORDS and CREATIVITY are depleting but I shall not fret. For even when my mind and hands grow tired, God is still writing. His grace refills my thoughts, His strength renews my soul, and His love carries my story forward one word at a time.

This wilderness is teaching me that even when everything feels barren, God still blooms (UNIQGRIEF GARDEN) beauty out of ashes.

So, I’ll keep walking.

I’ll keep trusting.

I’ll Keep sharing the GOSPEL. Encouraging.

And I’ll keep writing because this story isn’t just about loss.

It’s about love, faith, and the God who never lets go.

To the one still in the wilderness:

Hold on. I know it feels endless, dry, and heavy but you’re not alone out here. God hasn’t forgotten you. The same God who carried Moses through the desert, and who us carrying me through heartbreak, will carry you too. He’s turning your wilderness into a place of worship, your tears into testimony, and your pain into purpose.

Keep walking, even if it’s slow. Keep believing, even when it hurts. And when your ink runs dry, let God write for you because His story for your life is still unfolding, and it’s filled with grace, beauty, and divine love.

Scripture Reflection:

🕊 “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” — Exodus 14:14