Guarding My Grieving Heart

Proverbs 4:23 reminds me, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” The Hebrew word for “guard” is natsar. Which means to relentlessly defend what matters most.

Since losing my sweet UniqWarrior, Jahmya, I’ve had to learn what it truly means to guard my heart. Grief is unpredictable, it crashes like waves, and yet, in the midst of the storm, God continues to show me the anchor of love through my husband, my children Jahmari and Taliyah, and even through the unexpected friendships that sorrow has brought into my life. We are connected by loss, but strengthened by love.

What amazes me is that in just three short months, God has started to shape this in me. What felt impossible has slowly become possible through His grace. I’ve been finding rhythm between deep grief and daily joy! The Good News is, I can feel the shift: moments of laughter with my family, conversations with friends who understand this walk, and small reminders that healing, though slow, is truly taking root.

To live with this balance of grief and hope, I’ve created a practice to help me nurture my heart:

Play It Honest (Respect). I commit to showing up emotionally honest each week. Some days the ache of missing Jahmya is sharp, and other days joy peeks through in the laughter of my children or a quiet moment with my husband. I choose to honor both without minimizing or running from them.

Play It Back (Reflect). I look at the past week and acknowledge where I didn’t guard my heart. Was I too hard on myself? Did I try to carry everything alone? Rather than focusing on mistakes, I search for the deeper “why” behind my feelings because grief is layered and deserves gentleness.

Play It Out (Rewrite). I picture the coming week, imagining myself in those difficult spaces again, but this time, I choose a Christ-centered response. I see myself holding space for grief but also embracing the joy God continues to place in front of me. Whether it’s sharing the GOOD NEWS with family and friends of GODS GOODNESS every morning, sending reels to my sisters all day, looking forward to Tuesday nights with the group of parents I help facilitate, Thursday nights with my MIRACLE MAMA sisters, watching a favorite tv show with my husband, or the simple blessing of hearing my children’s voices say “MOMMY”.

Play It Smart (Refuel). If my heart is the wellspring of my life, then it must be refueled. Sometimes that means a walk to clear my head, cooking something fresh for my family, or letting myself laugh with new friends who understand the weight of loss. Other times it’s treating myself to a good book, a worship playlist, or a simple pause to breathe and pray. These are not luxuries, they are survival, they are healing.

My Sacred Space

As I embrace this slow and sacred journey of grief, I hold onto hope. Hope that even though Jahmya isn’t here in the way I long for, her love is still alive in us. Hope that joy and sorrow can coexist. Hope that God is still writing my story, one tender step at a time.

You are not alone! I remind myself of this truth daily. My grief is real, but so is the peace and the promise of a God who carries me when I can’t carry myself.

Pray with me:

Gracious God, thank You that even in the ache of loss, Your peace continues to guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Thank You for the gift of my family, for Jahmya’s love that still lives in us, and for the new friendships born out of grief. Thank You for showing me, even in just these three months, that healing is possible and hope is alive. Keep teaching me to guard my heart, to grieve with hope, and to walk forward with courage.

Amen.