Today is the day to start truly paying attention to the soundtrack of my soul.

Today is the day I stop ignoring the background noise. The thoughts that loop quietly. The whispers that play underneath the responsibilities, the meetings, the motherhood, the grief, the leadership. I have been so busy surviving that I haven’t always paused to ask, "What is actually playing inside of me"?

The soundtrack of my soul has carried sorrow. It has carried hospital memories. It has carried prayers that felt unanswered and hallelujahs that came out broken. It has carried the echo of machines, the silence of loss, and the ache of loving a child I can't physically hold the same way anymore. Sometimes the music has sounded like fear. Sometimes like strength. Sometimes like exhaustion pretending to be faith.

But today, I want to listen without judgment.

I want to notice what thoughts are shaping my emotions. I want to catch the lies before they build spaces in my mind. I want to identify the melodies of truth God is still playing over me, even when GRIEF tries to remix the story.

Maybe the soundtrack isn’t meant to be perfect right now. Maybe it’s meant to be brutally HONEST.

There is courage playing.

There is resilience playing.

There is purpose quietly humming beneath the pain.

Even in the depths of child loss, I can hear something else rising. A steady reminder that I am still here. That love did not end. That my motherhood did not expire. That my calling did not die in Jackson Holtz hospital, Bed space 18. The soundtrack may carry GRIEF, but it also carries LEGACY.

Today I will pay attention to what I am agreeing with internally. If the soundtrack says I am helpless, I will pause and replace it. If it says I am behind, I will challenge it. If it says I am alone, I will remind myself that God has never left the room.

Today is the day I become a gatekeeper of my own thoughts.

I will choose what gets replayed.

I will lower the volume on shame.

I will amplify gratitude.

I will sit with sorrow without letting it narrate my future.

The soundtrack of my soul is not just HEARTBREAK. It is rooted in RESTORATION which is a work in progress. It is faith learning a new key. It is a broken hallelujah that still rises.

And today, I am listening.